On Thursday morning I could hear Osi moving around downstairs. We have wood floors and my hearing has become weirdly attuned to my dog's movements. All week Osi has had a hard time walking; her back legs sometimes just don't work right, and it had been a hard week for her.
Then I heard the saddest, most pitiful sound I have ever heard my dog make. She was crying. It was like a mixture of a howl and a whimper that pulled me out of my bed in a hurry. Osi was at the bottom of the stairs. She had had an accident and then couldn't get herself up, so she had scooched her body through the pee and poop and was unable to stand up and get on the stairs.
When I got to her, she looked at me with the saddest eyes I have ever seen, and I knew that the time to make the worst decision a pet owner has to make was coming.
I got her outside. I cleaned up the mess, then I sat on the stairs and cried.
After lots of texts and emails and phone calls to friends and family, I called the vet to make Osi's final appointment for Friday morning.
I cried all day. I got home and cried with T. Osi laid around and looked miserable.
I woke up Friday morning and came downstairs to see how the doggo was doing. When she saw me, she got right up, walked over to me, all perky like, wagging her tail, eyes sparkling and licked me. I cried some more and knew that Friday was not her last day. I cancelled the vet appointment, bought her some more CBD oil and watched her have a good day. Today was a good day too.
I'm so thankful that I didn't schedule the vet appointment for Thursday afternoon.
It might seem like I was making a rash, snap decision based on one bad day, but that's not true. Osi has lots of health problems, from seizures to this semi-paralysis leg problem to liver disease brought on by all the medications. Her vet and I have talked about her quality of life and life expectancy for a couple of years now. He and I agree that the best we can do is make sure she's comfortable until we can't help her with that anymore.
Osi has never been very vocal. I can count the times I have heard her bark on one hand. She does make a grumbly noise when she wants a cookie. That noise is fairly new; she started making it in the past two or three years. The vet says it's probably caused by the medicines affecting her breathing. I've heard her yelp a time or two when we have accidentally stepped on her or tripped over her, but I haven't ever heard that crying sound she made on Thursday morning. I took it to mean that she had had enough.
So, a reprieve. I am relieved. I'm not ready to let her go. I'm also hyper-aware that she won't get better and there will be more bad days. It's the hardest part of having a pet: knowing when to do the kindest thing.
For now, though, we are good. Everything is okay. That was a close one.
No comments:
Post a Comment