#1986 in which I use a new word

Somehow, some way, the world keeps spinning and life moves on. I've read in books about how when someone you love dies, you feel like every person should know that you have suffered a tremendous loss and how is it even possible that you think I would care about your problems or worries or happiness when I am feeling so much sadness? I thought all that selfishness was only something in a book, but it turns out that selfishness is a real thing.

I have learned in the past week that it's not okay to chuckle derisively when someone asks how your day is or if you had a nice Christmas and New Years. And how much do they really want to know? What should I say? Do I do the polite thing and lie and say it was fine? Cuz it wasn't. Most of the people I work with closely know, but others don't and they just blunder into conversation with me, totally not expecting to hear my sad story.

Yesterday was a bad day, but today was a little better. We'll see what happens tomorrow.

While we are talking about what a bad day yesterday was, I should mention that yesterday was the day I took T to the rehab/treatment center. He seemed okay when I left. The place is filled with a bunch of guys just like him. I hope that he makes some friends and gets something positive out of the experience. And gets clean, too, of course. I can't get in touch with him for two weeks - that's the immersion window for him to get adjusted to being there and in the program. I must have picked up my phone to text him about half a dozen times today before I remembered that he is unavailable. It's the first time he has been away from home, by himself without family or friends. It's so quiet around the house. I guess it's something I'll have to get used to. He probably won't stay here forever. At least I hope not. Or do I?

No, I don't want him to stay here forever. Of course not. That's silly talk.

All right. I'm fine. I'm just feeling a little tired. Tonight MT and I went to see Pitch Perfect 3. Tomorrow I'm getting a pedicure.

Talk to you in a couple of days.