#1914 WW Wednesday: stand up to stigma

The topic of the Weight Watcher meeting last Saturday was a tough one. I don't remember ever hearing this particular discussion before. On the cover of the weekly mini-mag was a lady in exercise clothes: a hoodie sweatshirt, a t-shirt and yoga pants. She is not a size 2. She's standing with her feet spread wide apart and her hands on her hips. She has earbuds in and her music device (iPhone or iPod or similar) strapped around her arm. The look on her face is determined, not smiling, not frowning, but not neutral either. In big letters are the words

Stand Up to STIGMA

Shift your thinking to overcome weight-related negativity.

We started about talking about the definition of the word "stigma". I think we all knew the word but maybe not the exact definition, and we all agreed it was a negative word. The definition of stigma from Merriam-Webster dictionary is: 

a set of negative and often unfair beliefs that a society or group of people have about something.

Without a doubt that there is a stigma attached to being overweight. Many of the ladies in the WW group shared stories that had affected them. One lady told us that she has two Masters degrees and considers herself to be strong and intelligent. She was applying for a job that she was completely qualified for. The interviewer told her that he didn't think she had the "energy" needed to do the job. He made that judgement based on what she looked like rather than her capabilities. Our leader, Lovely Lana, told a story about when she was in sixth grade. Some of the girls in her class called her "Pillsbury Doughboy". It is hard to imagine that happening because Lana is a petite little lady. I wouldn't even believe she had gone through WW, but I know she has because she is a leader and they have to reach goal and go through maintenance and get lifetime status. Other ladies talked about how they would order dessert and the servers would roll their eyes or how they felt embarrassed by asking for a seatbelt extender on an airplane. 

I didn't share this story in the meeting, but I remember vividly an experience I had at work. Someone had brought in a big bowl of homemade salsa and some chips. I was going to get some and a guy said, "Everybody better hurry and get some because here comes Sandy," implying that since I was the fat girl, I would eat all the chips and salsa. I remember that I looked at the guy and said, "Did you really just say that? You're an asshole." I ended up not having any chips and salsa and I went back to my desk and didn't talk the rest of the day. My feelings were really hurt and thinking about it even now makes me a little choked up and happened almost 20 years ago. It was just words, but words can be so powerful. I thought that guy was my friend and his words made me feel like a bag of crap. 

The sad thing is that most of us feel like we deserve to be made to feel inferior because of our size or our weight. Our discussion in the meeting focused on how to overcome feeling bad and changing our thoughts. It's hard, especially when you have felt bad about your weight for a really long time. I am constantly battling myself. Even though I know I'm dope AF, sometimes I'll look in the mirror and all I see is a chubby girl. Quickly I tell myself that I may be a chubby girl, but I'm working on changing and getting healthy. I don't think I'll ever be skinny, but I can surely get more healthy and I will always be awesome.

The bottom line is that when people are mean and rude, you have to shake it off and remember that your size doesn't determine whether you are a good or valuable person. You are good and valuable. You are freaking awesome. For every mean person that tries to make you feel unworthy, remember that there are people who love you and who think you are beautiful and amazing and who support your desire to change and become your best self. 

Whoa...this is a heavy topic! It ended up kind of being a pep talk for myself. My mom thinks I worry too much about my weight and maybe I do, but it's not the only thing I worry about! LOL I am hyper-aware of my size and weight though, I guess. If I don't think about it and take care of it, who will? I've been heavy for most of my life and I'm glad that I finally found it within myself to take better care of my health and that means losing weight and trying to get a little muscle tone and learning how to eat better. It's a lifetime challenge. :)

#1913 simple pleasure Monday: love & marriage

My sister had a friend who had a daily gratitude post on Facebook I think. I know it had an impact on Lizzie because to this day she writes in a gratitude journal every day. It can be so easy to get caught up in the every day stuff of life , whether it's good or bad, and forget to feel grateful. There's always something to be grateful about and taking the time to acknowledge that something is important.

Simple pleasure Monday is about taking the time to acknowledge that something that makes me feel happy. Sometimes it has been silly and little (nail polish!) and sometimes it is big. Today it's big.

Tomorrow is my 24th wedding anniversary. 24 years I've been married to MT! We are pretty different people.I know there are friends from college that are stunned and amazed that we are still married. Sometimes he makes me crazy; I'm positive I do the same to him. Overall, though, I think we are a good team. He makes me think outside the box and I bring some reality to some of his thinking. Over the years together, we have brought our ideas together and it seems we are on the same page about what we want from life.

We've been married for 24 years, but we've been together for about 30 years. I started going out with him when I turned 21 and now I'm 51. Wow!

So my (not-so-simple) pleasure today is the fact that I found someone to hang out with, to have a kid with and to grow old with. That there was someone who actually wanted to marry me and seems to be in for the long haul.We are not a lovey-dovey PDA type couple, but there is definitely love and respect and admiration and trust between us. I'm glad to have him; I hope he's glad to have me. (If he doesn't he is crazy. LOL)

He doesn't read this, but I'll say it anyway...

Happy anniversary MT! I love you!!

#1912 on second thought...

Man, what was I thinking? I can't quit you. I miss you! It's only been a couple of weeks and almost every day I have found myself thinking, "That would be a good story for the blog," followed by, "Oh yeah. I quit writing there."

I read what my family wrote in the comments. I had an enlightening conversation about it with Kelsie. I thought about it a lot and I want to come back. I miss having a place to practice my writing and to tell stories.

My plan is to post on even-numbered days this month, so tomorrow I will be here with something to say. I hope you'll check it out.

#1911 I think this is it

After I wrote here on Wednesday about the trip to the San Francisco area, I realized that I hadn't even written about the trip in my personal journal. I write more here than I write privately. I don't know if that is good or bad, but it got me to thinking about this space that I have been writing in for awhile and I think I might be done.

I've been writing here since 7/29/07. I didn't even realize it was ten years nearly to the day. but it is. I looked back through all the posts to the start and the symmetry made me smile.

When I think about not writing in this space I feel a little sad because it has been a nice outlet for me to practice my writing. Then I think of all the days that I didn't take the time to write about my life in my personal journal and I think I will feel even more sad that I chose to share stories here with 15 people instead of putting the stories in my journal where I will look back through them over the years.

Thanks for checking in. Thanks for your comments - nearly all from family and I appreciate your participation. It just feels like it's time to stop.

#1910 weekend in the Bay Area

I mentioned in the last post that MT and I went to the Bay Area last weekend. I've downloaded the pics, so here's the highlights in photo form!

On Saturday morning we flew into Oakland, rented a car and drove to Bodega Bay. Traffic was not nice and I hadn't eaten, so by the time we got to Bodega Bay, I was hangry. I picked a restaurant called The Tides Wharf & Restaurant. The best thing I can say about the restaurant was that it had a big parking lot and the view of the bay was spectacular.

view of Bodega Bay from inside the restaurant

After our poorly served and overpriced meal, MT and I decided to go over to Dillon Beach to take a walk. The beach there is wide and long and the sand is the perfect firmness down near the very cold water. We walked from one end of the beach to the other and back. It was probably about four miles or so. It felt so good to get out in the sunshine and not be all sweaty! The temperature was cool and completely wonderful.

view of coastline from Dillon Beach

After our walk, we drove back to Bodega Bay and checked into our hotel, The Inn at the Tides. This was the view from our room.

view of Bodega Bay from the hotel

We hung around in the room for a little while, then crossed the road to the restaurant/bar/store. I wanted to see the sunset, so we had a drink at the bar and waited. The sunset did not disappoint.

sunset

pretty clouds

There was a sea lion swimming around in the bay that we could see every now and again right from our seat in the bar. We could hear other sea lions barking in the distance. Interesting side note: the only cola that was available at this place was RC Cola. Can you believe that?

We decided to have a picnic in our hotel room, so we bought a loaf of sourdough bread, some salami and some cheese. Our room came with a complimentary bottle of chardonnay, so we had a northern California feast!

dinner in our room

The room did not have air conditioning, so we had the windows open. In the morning we were very cold because outside it was all foggy.

foggy morning in Bodega Bay

We got ourselves ready and headed out of town, but stopped in Bodega (a separate little town) to see the church that was used in the film The Birds (which was filmed in Bodega Bay, if you didn't know!)

St. Teresa of Avila church in Bodega

As you can see the sky was very clear and blue up on the hill.

We drove into San Francisco across the Golden Gate Bridge.

fog at the Golden Gate Bridge

We met some friends at a bar/restaurant called the Buena Vista. Irish coffee was invented there. I am not a coffee drinker, but I had a glass. I could taste the whiskey way more than I could taste the coffee. It was pretty damn good.

Irish coffee at the Buena Vista

so San Francisco!

After breakfast and coffee, we headed through the city to get to the ballpark.

San Francisco!

 Our hotel was directly across the street from the ballpark, so we checked in, parked the car and crossed the street to go watch the Padres play the Giants. Our seats were phenomenal.

four rows behind the Giants dugout

#28 is Buster Posey!

A T & T Park is so lovely

There was not much of a breeze down on the field level, so we went up to the suite. The view from up there was damn nice too.

upper level view of McCovey Cove and A T & T Park

I love baseball and it was a real treat to be at the game. My two favorite teams were playing, so I couldn't go wrong. The Padres won, by the way.

After the game we crossed the street to our hotel. We relaxed for an hour or so, then we walked to a restaurant called Little Skillet to meet our friend Brigid for dinner. I was going to have the chicken and waffles, but they were out of waffles, so I had the andouille and cheddar grits. (It was a flavors of Louisiana restaurant.) So good! And of course the best part was hanging out with MT and Brigid!

Yeah. I have zero chill

We came back to hot dry SLC early Monday afternoon. It was Pioneer Day, a local holiday, so I didn't miss any work. What a fantastic weekend for us! Such a treat to get out of town and enjoy some cool weather and do some really fun things. MT and I agreed that we need to have a few more weekend get-aways in our lives. #couple goals

#1909 a break from the heat

Here's what I know without a doubt in my mind:

IT IS HOT HERE IN SLC!

MT and I spent the weekend in the Bay Area and the temperatures were easily 30 degrees cooler than it is here. We wore sweatshirts and sweaters in the evenings.

You know how when you walk off the airplane and you cross over onto the jetway and there is a little outside air that hits you between the plane and the airport itself. That 94 degree air hit me and my skin, which had been deliciously hydrated, immediately shriveled and dried out. It's true!

We had a really good time this weekend. We strolled on a beach, we drank some grown-up beverages, we got to hang out with friends, we had great seats for the baseball game and we had some quality time to ourselves during which we didn't have to worry about a certain house getting sold because that is now officially done and over with! HOORAY!

I did take a few photos, but of course I haven't downloaded them onto my computer yet. I guess that will give me something to do and to write about in the coming days.

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend!

#1908 from San Diego to San Francisco

Okay...break's over (for a minute).

I got back to town on Tuesday the 18th, which is an even numbered day and I was going to write, but I was so tired out from my whirlwind trip to San Diego (and La Mirada) that I had to rest! Truly, though, I had so much fun hanging out with my sister in her town. When we are together we go go go. By the time we got to our parent's house on Sunday we needed the rest. :)

We walked all over the downtown area, from Petco Park in East Village over to Pacific Coast Highway in Little Italy and down along the harbor. I guess we didn't go much further east than the building where Lizzie lives, but we still covered plenty of ground. Actually, we did go into the east county area to the town of Ramona.

Good times!

This weekend I will be heading to northern California with MT.  We are flying to Oakland on Saturday, then driving up the coast to Bodega Bay. We will maybe take a walk on the beach or go for a hike in Point Reyes. On Sunday we will drive back to San Francisco and go watch the Giants play the Padres! I'm looking forward to meeting up with my friend Chef Brigid on Sunday evening, too. MT hasn't been out of town for awhile and the dude could use a little break. He has not punched many fun tickets this year.

Feeling pretty lucky about being able to get out of town for a few days.