#2160 WW Wednesday

WW is big on "knowing your why". Sometimes we are asked to think about why we walked into WW that very first time. I remember that day so vividly;  I was so motivated and into it. I was almost militant about following the plan and losing the weight. And I did lose weight and it was amazing! I loved seeing the number on the scale get smaller every week. I battled through plateaus and I followed the plan and I lost 75 pounds and it was so great!

Then I got cocky and thought I could do it myself. Plus we had a pretty big change in our financial world and I quit going to Weight Watchers.

The weight started coming back on. Yes, I knew what to do. I knew to limit my portions and sweets and eat good food and break a sweat most days, but the old habits came back and so did the pounds.

I decided to get back to Weight Watchers before all the pounds came back. As it was, I was only about 20 pounds away from where I had started originally.

When I went back, I found I wasn't as motivated. I wanted to lose the weight, but I didn't really want to do the work that I had to do, like following the plan, for example. I have lost some of the weight again, but it's been slow and I know that I only have myself  to blame for that.

At the workshop (that's what we call meetings now) last Saturday, we celebrated one of the ladies in the group for losing 100 pounds. She is the second person in that 10 AM workshop group that has reached the 100 lb milestone. She's been on the program for just over one year.

My original goal was 100 pounds. I've been on/off/on this program for 10 years now. I feel like an underachiever.

I am happy for Patty. She looks so happy! She smiles all the time and it's beautiful to see. When Lana asked her how she stayed motivated and focused, Patty said she liked the way she felt as the weight was coming off and it was all just working for her.

WW says that you can't compare your journey with other people's journeys. Everyone is different. We all have different levels of commitment at different times. It just seems that my level of commitment has been very, very low for a very, very long time.

Saturday morning after the meeting I went to my favorite thinking place, Starbucks, got myself a beverage and had a come-to-the-light talk with myself. I thought a lot about my Why, which happened to be the topic of our discussion that day. I have a little book that I write in. It's not my journal; I use this little notebook to jot down thoughts. I ended up jotting down two and a half pages of thoughts about my why on Saturday morning. I questioned whether I should keep going to WW. I questioned what would happen if I recommitted myself to the program. What would it look like? What was I afraid of? It was existential.

When I tried to define my Why, most of what I wrote down was stuff I didn't want, like flabby arms and illnesses caused by carrying extra weight. In the end, after lots and lots of introspection and chatting with a WW coach, my why is so simple and so powerful to me that I can't believe I spent so much time obsessing and analyzing and spinning my wheels.

I want to be a strong, fit, healthy woman.