#2855 a month later...

The last time I posted here was July 6, and now it is August 6. The past four weeks have been a bit of a blur. Let's catch up.

On Thursday July 6, I found out my uncle Dewey had terminal cancer. His life expectancy was two to six months without treatment, 18 months of pain and sickness with treatment. Amongst our small family, we decided no treatment would be what Dewey wanted. 

On Wednesday, July 12, he was transferred from the hospital to a care facility. He died the next morning, Thursday July 13. His passing was expected, but not so soon. The thing that makes me the most sad is that none of us got to say good-bye. It crushes me.

That weekend, MT and I drove to Dixon with the intention of getting the financial affairs in order. My uncle asked me to be the executor of the estate once he and my aunt Mary passed away. The thing is that Mary has reduced cognitive abilities. She is Dewey's heir and the trustee of the estate, but because of her difficulties, she resigned as trustee, naming me the successor trustee and executor. I have taken over paying all the bills for the Dixon household. My aunt Mary lives there, along with her sister, my aunt Bettie, and Bettie's husband, my uncle Lee. 

I met throughout the day on Monday July 17 with Bill, the attorney my uncle worked with to set up the will and trust. I had a mobile notary come out to the house to notarize Mary's signature on the Power of Attorney paperwork. I took everything to the bank that Dewey and Mary use to set up a trust, but nothing can be finalized until we have the death certificate from the state. My aunt Bettie was talking to the funeral home to get all that done, then on Wednesday July 19, she fell and broke her femur in three places. We had already come back to Utah, but Uncle Lee called to let me know about the accident, and also that there was no hot water in the house because the propane tank was empty and could I order some more propane?

In the meantime, I was able to get a bank account set up here with a check Aunt Mary signed so I could get the bills paid. I opened an account with the propane company and got a delivery scheduled. I talked a lot with the funeral director who would not accept my authority regarding my uncle's remains. A representative from the funeral home went to the hospital to have Bettie sign the paperwork. They sure enough called me for the payment, though. 

Bottom line: bills are paid, propane tank is full, Dewey's mortal remains are being attended to, Bettie is in a recovery facility, and Lee and Mary and going along as best they can. I feel like I've been in an adulting whirlwind, and it's not a really fun place to be. I'm doing the best I can.

Through all of that family grief and trauma, there was work. My job isn't difficult, but there is a lot of it. The company is working on a new business venture, and I'm smack in the middle of it, and we are all making up the rules as we go. I was already behind at the end of June, and had big plans to get everything caught up by the second week of July. That didn't happen. Suddenly, it was July 22, a three day weekend here in Utah for Pioneer Day. I wound up working a bit through that weekend and holiday, and really pushing through the last week of the month. On August 1, the last day to get our billings in for July business, I worked a lot of hours to get it all done. I'm embarrassed about how long I worked that Tuesday. I wouldn't have imagined getting myself into that position. The good news is that I'm no longer behind. It took a toll on me, though, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I don't want to get in that position again. The experience made me question the way I was handling things. I'm still pondering. 

Oh yeah, and I was volunteering throughout that time. I think going to the Garden helped keep me sane and grounded. It gave me the space to clear my mind and rejuvenate. Plus I napped a lot. Overall, I feel like I've handled it all pretty well. I have cried normal grief tears at the loss of my uncle several times. I'm really sad about losing him. I have been good about keeping my anxiety at bay. I haven't had any meltdowns. I think in the past I would have cried a lot and sunk into depression. There have only been a couple of times when I've cried anxious tears. When that happens, I take some deep breaths and figure out what I can do to get rid of some of the stress, and tell myself that I can only do one thing at a time. It helps me to stay calm. 

Of course, some things have had to "give" during the busy July. I didn't have the time, energy, or bandwidth in my brain to write, or really even to read very much. I couldn't seem to focus on a story or take the time to get into one. I was reading a book with the book club that I was very excited about. I got about halfway through it (it was over 700 pages long), when I realized that I just didn't care anymore about the story or the characters or anything. I stopped reading it. In July, I only finished one book - well, one and a half, I guess. Actually, I didn't even finish one book. I was 94 percent done with a book, there were 20 pages or so left to go when the library loan expired. Sheesh.  I marked that book as read. I made my up my own ending. Someday I'll see it in the library or bookstore and I'll read those last 20 pages to see how the author ended the story. 

I've done a little bit of art. Here are a couple of pieces I did in the last couple of weeks:

Giraffe family portrait

Armless woman with tall hair

The thing that was fun about the armless woman was that I drew her upside down. I don't know why, but I just really like her. The giraffe family makes me smile. 

Anyway...

I've got another busy week coming up, with mostly good stuff. On Monday, I'm volunteering at a concert. Tuesday night, MT and I are going to see the Foo Fighters in concert. On Wednesday, my MIL and FIL are coming to town. My MIL, Linda, has a doctor appointment. Thursday I'll record blooms at RBG. Friday, T, J, and I are going to La Mirada to see mom and Lizzie. T & J are going to the Drake concert on Saturday. I'll be happy to hang out at Mom and Lizzie's house. I'd like to drink a cold glass of wine and lay around. Maybe Lizzie will take me on a walk so I can smell some eucalyptus trees.  I hope we can go see the ocean. I need to repair my soul a little bit. It's all been a lot.  Oof...here comes some of those anxiety tears. 

I think I'll take some melatonin and get to bed. One day at a time. Look for the good stuff along the way.