#2814 words are important

On Tuesday night I attended a...well, let's call it a "support group" meeting. The topic that night was "expectations."  Some people talked about how other people did not meet that person's expectations. Other folks talked about how they set very high expectations for themselves and never seemed to achieve what they expected. There was talk about perfectionism, and how they knew they should do a certain thing, but couldn't seem to get it done, so they often felt let down. 

It was kind of a downer meeting, thinking back on it now.

I didn't have a chance to speak up because the hour was over before I knew it, but if I had spoken, it might have sounded something like this:

   Many, many years ago, I took a workshop with some co-workers called Creativity in Business. We met once or twice a week for six to eight weeks. Each week there was a topic for us to practice, then we'd talk about it during the next session. I don't remember too many details about the workshop, because it was a long time ago, but I do remember the last session, in which we did a presentation of our choosing based on one or more of the topics. I told a story, and it sparked my love of storytelling. I believe my story was based on the first topic of the workshop which was called No Expectations. 

The thing about expectations, as many of the people in the support group pointed out, is that expectations can be or turn out to be negative. For example, when the boss says she wants to talk to you, don't you often think that it might be a negative conversation? (Maybe that's just me.) Or maybe you are going to an event, like a concert, and you've been looking forward to it with great excitement and anticipation, and maybe the show was fine and good, but your expectations for it were so high, there was no way it could have reached your level of expectation.

Clearing your mind of expectations can be so freeing. I was so excited for our vacation in April, when we went on the cruise and then spent some time in Rome. I had built this trip up in my mind as the greatest thing, and it was going to be awesome, and everything was going to be spectacular. Thankfully, before I left, I pumped my mental brakes a little and realized I *might* be setting myself up for a letdown. In my journal, I wrote two words: NO EXPECTATIONS. It was a reminder to stay in the moment and roll with the punches. It's a good thing, too. Between delayed flights and late-arriving luggage, everything was not always peachy, but I didn't let those annoying parts get me down. I rolled with it and had a fabulous time in spite of the not-so-great things. 

As far as setting expectations for myself, I don't really use that word. I tend to use the word "goals" or "intentions"  or "plans." I try not to use the word "should," opting instead for "I'd like to," or "I need to."  I definitely am a planner and a list maker. I frequently put waaaaay to much stuff on my to-do list, and I have felt defeated and a little worthless when I can't get everything accomplished. Sometimes it really bothers me and other times I just tell myself to schedule that task for another day and try again. I'm getting a lot better at either rescheduling or deciding that "thing" is not so important after all and just letting it go.

And perfectionism? It's a myth, not attainable by mere humans. A friendly co-worker shared a quote a week or so ago from the actor Michael J. Fox that I love a lot:

Reach for excellence. Be comfortable with your imperfections. We are all gloriously imperfect creatures. Be as excellent as only you can be and give yourself some grace. 

Choose words that make you feel good, because words are important. 

(No, I probably would NOT have said all these things in my group meeting on Tuesday. Only some of them.)