#411 putting out positive vibes

It's surprising how many times I've gone to a Weight Watchers meeting and the topic of the meeting has been exactly what I needed to hear at the exact time I needed to hear it.

For months now, I'm talking since I got back from vacation in March, I have been losing and gaining the same five pounds. I've been hovering between 85 and 90 forever, it seems. A lot of this struggle is mental. I've come so far...I can surely have that cookie! I work out hard every day! This order of fries will be fine. Sure, I can eat out at lunch and dinner. I've got the tools to cope with this. I'm not on a diet! I'm living. It's crazy to think I'll never have another brownie or piece of cake or cheeseburger or cheesy Mexican food.

And yet, when I get on the scale on Saturday morning and those same numbers come up or down, I shrug and say I guess it is what it is. There's complacency where there used to be resolve and determination. I'm struggling.

A few posts ago I wrote that I felt out of balance. I still feel that way, but I can sense myself getting back on track, putting it back together. So I walked into the WW meeting on Saturday and what is the word written in all capital letters on the white board? You know it: BALANCE. The meeting topic was about focusing on your progress, not perfection. The leader talked about acknowledging our progress, not just focusing on what the scale says, but on other marks of progress as well. We listed some non-scale results, like wearing smaller sizes, actually enjoying exercise, feeling more confident, getting off or decreasing medications.

So I'm going to indulge myself a little and acknowledge my progress in non-scale related ways and find some motivation to get back on track.

• I used to hate going to REI. I could never find anything in that store that would fit me and I hated that. I hated the way I felt when I went there. I resented the store and the people who worked there and people who bought things there. (I know it's irrational! I know!) This weekend I went into REI because I wanted to buy some special biking shorts with a gel pad that makes it more comfortable to sit on that tiny, hard bike seat. I was absolutely able to find some shorts that fit and they are not even in the largest size available. I also bought a really great moisture-wicking shirt and a pair of regular walking shorts that look ok and fit good. I was really happy with my purchases. I don't have the same resentment against the poor people who work there. They couldn't help it that I didn't fit in anything, just like they have nothing to do with the fact that now I can fit into stuff.

• When I first started going to turbo kickboxing, I dreaded the ab exercises we would do at the end of class. They were so hard! I couldn't get my shoulders off the mat. I'd just lay there and twist side to side. I could feel it in my abs and I was trying hard, but I couldn't do the moves like the teacher did. I remember in particular one exercise she did. We would lay on our back with our knees bent. Then we would straighten our right leg at the knee, pointing the toe to the ceiling and at the same time, we'd come up to a sitting position with our arms reaching for the toe. I couldn't do it. I could straighten my leg, that part was easy. But the coming up with arms outstretched...no way. Tonight in our class we did that same move. I was surprised to find myself totally sitting up and reaching for my toes. Not only that, I was able to do all the repetitions! I didn't have to take a break! Yes, my abs were screaming, but I did it!

I was trying to think of something else, but my brain is tired now. It was an early morning. MT got sick around 3 am and I couldn't help but wake up when I heard him. Poor thing. He's better now, but ick.

Anyway, I'm going to watch out for ways to acknowledge the good stuff and quit focusing on the ways I am not perfect. I'm on the right path for me. I've made many changes in my lifestyle in the past two years; I make choices now that I know I wouldn't have made back in early 2008. I just gotta stay positive and work the plan and stay flexible and positive and I know that I will remove 100 pounds! I can do this!

Keep sending those positive thoughts and vibes my way. I appreciate your support!