I want to take a few minutes to write about my on-going struggles with my weight. For the past couple of years, I have been paying Weight Watchers and I have been gaining weight. I haven't had much success with their Points Plus system. I did great the first couple of years with regular Points, but I think I got complacent and felt comfortable with what I was doing and I stopped being good at watching my weight. When I had my surgery in August, all bets were off on watching what I ate. I had cheeseburgers and fries regularly, and I often added a shake. I wasn't doing any physical activity to burn off those calories because I had a leg that was just getting healed up.
Suddenly, my clothes were all tight and my face was round and the number on the scale was climbing, climbing, climbing. My self-esteem went right down the drain, and still I couldn't seem to stop myself from eating a cookie here, or another slice of pizza there. I indulged myself whenever I wanted. I seemed to have forgotten that I actually had something called will-power at one point, and my will-power was pretty strong, now that I think back on it.
It sometimes seems like I am my own biggest saboteur. I weighed in on Saturday, saw a two and a half pound gain (that's in two weeks; I didn't weigh in last week because I didn't want to go out in the storm), and promptly went to the Mexican place and got a gigantic breakfast burrito. I damn near ate the whole thing, too. I also ate heartily at Jake's party - pasta and cake. I ate again just hours later when we got all the leftovers back to the house.
I had a whole weekend like that. I actually felt ill when I went to bed last night.
Today I am happy to say that I got a little bit back in control of myself. I planned what I would eat today and I stuck to the plan. I drank a lot of water, I ate healthy food and I even went to spinning class tonight at the gym. That's one day, and I will have to take it all one day at a time, one meal at a time.
I don't want to be one of those people who lose a bunch of weight, then put it back on. I can't have that. These last two years have been a set-back. I haven't gained all the weight back, but I've put on enough to feel bad about myself. I don't like that feeling. I like to feel good about myself. I like to see my body shrink. I like my clothes to be loose and have people say things like, "You need to buy some new pants, saggy butt!" I like to buy smaller size clothes and know they fit and look nice. I like to see my cheekbones. I prefer to have one pointy chin, not three layers of round chins.
All right, I'm done venting for tonight. I'm pretty sure you can expect to hear more about my weight loss adventures because if it's not at the top of my mind all the time, I regress. And then I regret. I want to see a smaller number on that scale this weekend!!