#1993 WW Wednesday: keep your why close by

When I first started going to Weight Watchers back in 2008, I went because I was so tired of being overweight. I was self-conscious and frustrated with myself. How could I be successful at most things but not at taking care of myself. T was 10 years old and he was kind of small. I was overly large. He couldn't wrap his arms around me and that became my "why". I wanted my son to be able to give me a proper hug and be able touch his hands together around my body.  It was a why and it was a measuring tool, too.

I lost weight and inches. T grew and my goal of having him give me a whole hug was achieved. I quit going to Weight Watchers in 2011 (?) because I had lost around 65 lbs and I figured I could do it on my own.

In 2012 I had my right knee replaced. I had gained back some of the weight, but I still felt good, but I continued to gain weight. I decided I better go back to WW before I gained it all back. I think I've been back in the fold for two or three years now. I have lost some weight, but I don't have the same zeal and zest and passion for it that I had when I first started.

The theme of the meeting on Saturday was "What's Your Why?" WW is really into having its members reflect on why we chose to join. I'll admit that I have had a harder time finding my "why" this time around. It seems like "because I'm tired of being a fat woman" isn't all that inspirational and motivating. It's a start though.

I spent some time thinking about why I bother spending the energy and money on Weight Watchers. I believe that if I didn't weigh in there every week and didn't keep the plan in my head that I would get heavier and heavier. I like to eat delicious, fattening foods: desserts, fried foods and junk foods are high on my list of favorite things. I also tend to eat a lot - big portions - and I don't stop until it's gone or I can't stuff another bite in my mouth.

Weight Watchers keeps me in check because I hate to weigh in on Saturday morning and see a bigger number than I saw the week before. Mostly the numbers seem to be hovering at a plateau. I'll be down half a pound this week, then up two tenths of a pound the next week. It's frustrating but I know that I'm doing it to myself.

Like I said, I've been giving my "why" a lot of thought lately. The why is hovering somewhere between "I'm tired of being a fat chick" and "I said I was going to lose 100 pounds and I still want that." It's part "I'm not getting any younger and I want to be a strong healthy old lady" and part "I want to look good in a bathing suit when I go on vacation." There's a bunch of "I'd rather have some muscle tone than flabby parts" and "I feel better/happier/prettier when I weigh less." I did it once. I was within 35 pounds of my goal but I stopped. What if I didn't stop? What if I said, "You got this girl" instead of "I've got to have a donut"?

This Freestyle plan is good for me. I like protein, so I got that going for me. I'm trying to work the plan so it works for me. I had a good loss on Saturday. I think that was mostly due to just getting back on top of what I was stuffing down my craw. I planned what I would eat, I wrote everything down. I drank a lot of water. I didn't snack or eat sweets. How about that? The plan does work! It does take time and attention and thought. It is quite easy to eat mindlessly, so I'm trying to be thoughtful about it all. I haven't gone back to the gym yet. I wanted to get back into good eating habits. I plan to get into my exercise routine again on Monday. Making sure I'm eating well is more important to the overall weight loss than the exercise, but the exercise helps me reduce the payment on my Apple watch, so I'll do it. I really like to close all the circles on my watch.

I got this.