Yesterday's events in Washington DC had me feeling things.
1. Anxiety. When the news alert from NPR popped up on my phone that shouted CAPITOL BUILDING BREACHED, I felt concerned. I immediately went to Twitter to see what people were talking about. There were photos of white men waving Trump flags and wearing MAGA hats. There were white men wearing animal skins and with their faces painted with red, white, and blue. They were bursting in to the Capitol building, carrying the Confederate flag, and shouting things. I stopped looking. It was making me feel like I wanted to cry. Why did I feel like crying? I sat with it for a minute and I realized that it was my body and brain's reaction to the anxiety and fear I was feeling.
I talked to a couple of people about what was happening. It did not appear that they wanted to cry as they checked their news feeds. Their response just confirmed to me that the feeling to cry was anxiety. I had to stop looking at Twitter and the news for awhile.
When I went back to doom-scrolling a bit later, I was more in control of my emotions. I wasn't any less offended, horrified, and upset, but I didn't feel like I would cry about it. I just felt sad for our country. I looked at reporting on the BBC and from The Guardian. The UK didn't seem impressed with what was happening in the US. I'm guessing most of the rest of the world was pretty shocked, too.
2. Hopeful. When I got home last night, I turned on the news to get the latest information. CNN was carrying the Congressional hearings to certify the Electoral College votes. I heard some strong rhetoric from Senators on the right and the left condemning the violence and insurrection that had happened earlier in the day. I'm sure it scared the hell out of them when they were escorted to secure locations or told to lie on the floor and given gas masks. I allowed myself to feel hopeful that both parties would figure out a way to work together to unite the country. I allowed myself to think that maybe, just maybe, something good could come out of the horror of the day. Maybe civil discourse can resume without the profound vitriol on both sides. Yeah, I know it's a long shot, but I can't help but hope.
3. Anger. I was busy at work today. I thought about yesterday and I listened to NPR report on the aftermath. I thought again of the images I'd seen yesterday. The difference was that while yesterday I felt scared and anxious, today I felt angry. What were those people hoping to accomplish? That they would take over the Capitol and then Trump would continue to be the President? What was with setting up a gallows in the building? Why were they wearing those ridiculous animal headdresses and painting their faces like they were at a sporting event? What was up with some of the Capitol police - the ones taking selfies with the mob or opening the barrier and inviting them through?
While we were eating dinner tonight, MT was telling me that some Republican friends of his on Facebook were spinning the tale that the insurrectionist mob were not actually Trump supporters. They were in fact ANTIFA people in disguise. I could not believe it. What a bunch of cowardly people. Are they embarrassed by what people who believe the same as them are willing to do? They oughta be. There was nothing cool or honorable about breaking into the Capitol building and acting the fool in the Senate Chambers and in the House of Representatives.
UGH.
Now I'm upset for riling myself up again after I took a nice warm shower and was feeling all relaxed. I better go listen to some calming music and go to bed. It's been a long week.
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