#123 I've known him half my life

The first birthday I celebrated with my then-boyfriend-now-husband MT was my 21st. Thursday I turned 42. I've been with him half my life. Isn't that crazy?!

So I turned 42 and I got to spend the evening with my three favorite men: my dad, my husband and my son, in age order. We went to the little Mexican place down the street that I really like where I ate a large plate of pork, which I am not supposed to have, but it was delicious. When we came home we had my birthday treat: brownie sundae. I was very specific about what I wanted. Home-baked brownie, vanilla ice cream, Cool Whip topping, chocolate sauce and caramel sauce. MT baked the brownies himself and prepared the luscious treat. He even bought candles - a 3 and a 2. I scrunched up my nose and asked if he couldn't find a 4. He said that he thought I was only 32, then admitted there was no 4 to be found. It was kinda funny. I thought that if he was going to mess up the numbers, why not make it 23? ;-)

It was a good day. Everyone at work was really nice and even though we were super-busy, we celebrated with a bit of chocolate cake. My BFF LA sent some beautiful flowers to my office and my sweet Tia Mia sent me a gorgeous bouquet at home. I love to have fresh flowers! I know that technically they are dead flowers, but they are so pretty! MT gave me a gift certificate to the spa so I can "get my face washed" (he thinks facials are a waste of money, but he just doesn't know!) and Dad & Tristan gave me an iTunes gift card and some nice perfume. I felt like a princess.

I'm quite excited to be 42. That sounds strange, doesn't it? But here's the thing. Back in January, I think it was, I was reading my favorite magazine Real Simple. At the end of the issue there is a questionnaire completed by a reader. One of the questions was something like "What is the best age?" The reader/writer, a lady in her 30s, wrote that she thought 42 was the best age because you are old enough to know things and young enough to change, or something like that. I like that. I like it a lot, actually.

There are a lot of things I love about my life, but there is one thing that I want to change very much. That thing is my shape, my size, my body. I'm about 100 pounds overweight - there! I've said it! - I'm on medication for blood pressure and gout and I want to change those things. I know it will be tough to make the changes in my life that I need to make to reach a healthy weight, but I think that now is the time. I feel that if I don't do it now, I never will. I will have to live with the chronic pain in my knees. I will have to live with not really being able to keep up with my boys. I will have to make my peace with being the big girl. But I don't want any of those things.

I know that I won't miraculously grow cartilage back in my knees and that the arthritis is here to stay. But if I lose weight, it's got to be better on those poor old joints than what's going on now. T is 10 years old. I want him to be proud of me. I'd love for his friends to think I'm a MILF in a few years. (That's gross, I know, but there it is. It's not like I'd ever act on it! EWWW.) I want MT to think I'm hotter after 20 years of marriage than I was on our wedding day. I want to be confident when I'm around my friends. And mostly I want to feel better. I want to cut back on that blood pressure medication. Is it possible to get off the gout meds? I want to try!

And so, I'm putting this out on the internet for my 3 or 4 readers and whoever else stops by. I'm asking for your encouragement and your support. I'm asking for your patience and understanding. I'm asking for your guidance when I need to get back on track when I slip up. I've given this a lot of thought and I really think now is the time, that I am ready in my mind to do this, to make this change in my life. So wish me luck and I'll keep you posted!