I don't know if there has ever been a month so full of anxiety, depression, and grief. Every day the news was filled with the ever-growing numbers of cases of this pandemic virus. The country's leaders were telling us to stay six feet apart while they were crammed together on a stage. People took to the streets demanding their right to leave their homes and go back to work even though, at least where I live, it is clear that staying at home is working to flatten the curve. On a personal level, my dog died. I spent the first two weeks crying because we were losing her and the second two weeks crying because we lost her. I'm sure that the grief was exacerbated by the anxiety caused by this moment in history.
I realize I have a lot to be thankful for. My family is healthy and safe. I have a good job that I can do from home. The slower-paced days have helped me re-evaluate how I had been spending my time. Since there were no sports, I watched movies that I probably wouldn't have watched. I enjoyed napping, reading, and relaxing at home. I was able to spend my beloved dog's last days with her, petting her, remembering the joy she brought to me and to my family. I have tried new recipes and cooking is fun. I certainly enjoy eating the results. I have found that I don't need to have my phone with me all the dang time. (I really do leave it alone in another room for several hours each night.) I'm lucky and I'm grateful for all the good stuff.
All that being said, I am ready to say good-bye to April. I din't know what May will bring. The fear, worry, and anxiety are all still right there for me, but I have to tell myself that we are going to be okay.
Talk to you tomorrow.
xo
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